Thoughts

This time of the year can be an amazing time of the year. Just yesterday I was thinking about the season and about why we celebrate it. It is not for presents or time with family. We are celebrating the birth of Jesus, our Savior. He came as a small little man in very meek surroundings. He was provided for though. He had a roof over his head, a place to lay his head, and a mom and dad who were, I am sure, incredibly proud. When he arrived he did what babies do. He ate from his mother, loved to be held and loved. He was a baby.

I think about Mary. She was a mom who probably felt many of the feelings I feel about my little guy. He brought her incredible joy. She did not know what was ahead but she knew she loved the little man with a mother's love. That love is hard to explain but it is very special. It is an unconditional love that welcomes a child back. It is a love that never stops loving. It is a love that is proud and excited.

That brings me to thinking abuot the love Christ has for me. He loves unconditionally. He loves with open arms. He loves with joy and laughter. He loves with a smile on his face. I would be crushed if ever Will stopped accepting my love and I assume God feels he same way. When I reject him I am sure it makes him sad, as it would me. But, when I come back to him with open arms and a very apologetic heart, he welcomes me back as if I had never left. He has a smile on his face and hugs me with his open arms. HE is a personal God and yet, he is God of the universe. A God that put the sun into place and created an environment just perfect for human life also has the time and wants a relationship with me. When I think about that I fall more in love with God.

For some, it can also be a very painful time of the year. This year some friends will be without their little boy for their first Christmas. Two families we love dearly will enjoy potentially the last Christmas all together. Amidst the joy there is sorrow. And yet, the same personal God who loves me unconditionally loves these people and will hold them tightly this season. My prayer for them is that God would be real in their lives this Christmas. He would love them with a special love only a Father who has lost a child knows. He will love them with a peace that only comes from God. He will love them through the prayers of others. Sorrow is an emotion that is slightly uncomfortable yet it is an emotional of healing.

God is Good

Need I say more?

Seriously, as I had breakfast with some ladies this morning I reminded of how good life is and how good God is. I was also reminded of what a gift it is to be called a child of God.

A dear friend was describing some of the struggles her extended family is having with her brother-in-law. The missing factor, Jesus. Instead, there is a mix of addictions and misery. It is so sad. As I sat there and listened I thought about what makes me different from that family. I mean, I have a mom who has an addiction to the point that we cannot spend time with her at this time. The difference is we made the choice to have a time of separation. This particular family has not made that decission yet and it is not the right decission for every family. It was we had to do and it has been the best for everyone involved.

Another difference I noticed is that we have a relationship with Christ. Why are people so quick to discount God? I think part of it is because we live in a very "quick fix" society. I am guilty of wanting quick fixes. However, God is not a God of quick fixes. He is methodical and percise with his healing. Can he heal instantly? Of course he can but he sometimes takes his time. Each experience is a stepping stone to our life. Instead of looking at trials as something bad, maybe they can be something to rejoice in. Paul says we are suppose to rejoice during our times of difficulty because the testing of our faith produces perserverance. That is the stepping stone. We are in the process of becoming all that Christ created us to be, but it is a process.

Another difference I noticed is that there is so much worry and stress in life and personally, I am becoming very aware of that. God tells us in his word over and over not to worry about anything but rather to pray about everything. I was thinking about that this morning in my quiet time. Literally, if I am praying about everything how would I get anything done. Yet if I am always praying than I am not doing anything but praying. So, taking it out of the literal context a little bit, what if I invite Jesus to be part of my daily life so that he is always walking beside me and influencing my decissions. It is kind of like an open ended prayer that never ends. Kind of intersting to think about and mind boggling at the same time.

And finally, a key word has popped into my head as of late. The word is WAIT. This is different than having patience. This is waiting in the context of God and His direction. God never does things fast. If he always did he would be like us in our society and I honestly don't think that is what he desires. Instead, I think he loves it when we spend time with him. He loves it when we cling to his Word. He loves it when we cry out to him whether we are happy or sad. He loves it when we admit our faults and failures and desire to turn from sin. He loves it when we admit we cannot do life without him.

That is where I have found myself recently. It is almost surreal but I have found myself receiving many blessings for things I had very little, if any control over. My eyes have been on the bigger picture. There was a sun rise this morning and the leaves are beautiful. I got to talk with my brother today and the conversation was incredibly encouraging. I got to serve my family by picking up our house a little bit and I will get to serve them again this afternoon and evening. I love my family and when I have a servant's heart instead of a human heart, I am a different person. I care differently. It becomes about other people, not me. I have to take care of myself but there is so much joy in serving, when I serve with the right motives.

God is good.

Misc Thoughts

Last night as I was journaling it hit me in a different way. It was an an oh my moment. The definition of mom was redefined for me. When Will was born I became his mom but last night I experienced what it truly means to be a mom. I experienced letting go of that little guy a little bit more. Every day is an exercise in letting go a little more but last night was a defined stopping point of an activity I have been doing with him since he was born. I weaned him completely. And a part of my heart is sad.

I am a little sad because this activity was something only I could do with Will. It was something very special between me and him. It connected us in a way that I had never been connected to someone before. I provided nurishment to him. Granted, there were sacrifices. But they were well worth it. The sacrifices were nothing compared to the joy it gave me and the satisfaction of taking care of my little guy. And he let me.

So, I was thinking about how this correlates to Christ. God is in the process of refining us. That means going through some tough times. That means He choose to give his Son up for my salvation - eternal salvation with Him. That is such a gift and so satisfying. But, there is a cost for this freedom. The cost, God had to let his only son die. Oh my goodness. His death was something his Father did. This is where I know God is so much bigger than anything I can imagine. I cannot imagine watching my son die for the sins of many people who don't or won't acknowsledge him. I would be so angry and disheartened. But, there is joy in this journey. God saw the sins of all of his children and wanted to save all of them but could only do that through the sacrifice of his Son. He let go. In fact, he separated himself completely from his Son for three whole days. Life without God for three days - the thought is so saddening.

And to think I am one of God's children. He loves me so much that he sent his only Son to die for a sinner like me. He holds me in his arms and walks with me through all my trials. He gives me compassion and a gentle spirit. He teaches me but not without some struggles. The verse that comes to mind is the one about perserverance so that we can encourage others when they could through similar struggles. There will be struggles but how we deal with them, whether we turn to God or turn to other things, that is what will change us and make us more into the children God desires us to be. Becoming more like Christ is a day by day process. Eventually, I will wake up and have an aw-ha moment and the love of Christ will overflow in my life. The difference between that now and then, I will be changed because I will better comprehend his love for me.

My walk through motherhood is teaching me more about God's love for me. When I look into Will's eyes and he laughs it makes me laugh. When he is crying I want to provide whatever he needs. God is the same. He wants to provide and change lives. The process takes time - a life time.

Anger & Pride - A Bad Combo

God has been so good to me lately. He is taking me on a journey that leads straight to his leadings and promptings. Without him, I am very lost and for awhile I have been without him.

I believed a lie that I think many people believe. It is a lie that engages pride. It is a lie that says, "I can do it on my own and I don't need any help." It is a little lie that is like a weed. It begins with confidence, which in and of itself is not a bad thing. However, when the weed is not torn out it begins to take over the garden of the heart and the home of the Holy Spirit. When that happens, Christ gets lost in the shuffle.

Don't get me wrong. He is always there but my focus is not. My focus is on the pride. My focus is on what I don't have instead of what God has blessed me with. My focus is on the past instead of "forgetting the past and straining towards what is ahead." While the past is the building blocks that make us who we are the past is gone. It cannot change the future. We can learn from the past but we can't have the past back to make things better.

Instead, we can look at the future as a clean slate. We can look at the present as a clean slate and enjoy every moment of it. I am reading a book right now by Charles Swindoll called Laugh Again. It is about finding joy in potentially joyless situations. It is about looking for the truth in every situation and standing firm on the grounds that God is in control. While that is a cliche that many people toss around I have been challenged to take that thought out for a test drive. Join me on this journey.

If God is in control, then he has a reason for me to still be working at COUNTRY Financial. If God is in control, he is working on Dave to mold him and make him into the man He needs for his kingdom. If God is in control God will put the people in my life and in Dave's life to help us on the adventure. If God is in control, Will will grow up knowing that God loves him and so do his mommy and daddy. If God is in control he is in charge of when additional Owens children come along. If God is in control He will use my past to further His kingdom. If God is in control, I have nothing to worry about because all that happens is for His kingdom.

There is a great deal of freedom when I realize that God is in Control. It frees me up to be able to enjoy life instead of second guessing it. It allows me to enjoy the day the Lord has made instead of fretting over it. It allows me to smile at the days ahead because God knows what is going to happen and has it under control. It allows me to hand over a part of me that I have I have held on to very tightly, the pride.

No longer is it about me. It is about God working through me. When I can give God the glory I feel real joy. When I am in a situation and I see God working, I see real joy and experience excitement.

Now for anger. Have you ever been so angry at someone that you did not even realize you were? You loved this person so much but you were angry at them. You were hurt by choices they had made and you felt somewhat responsible for those choices. You found yourself manipulating various situations so that this person who you loved would be happy.

I recently discovered I was very angry at someone I loved very much. I was angry at my husband. I wanted to badly to fix him and I did not even realize I was trying. I wanted to make life nice for him so that he would not have to worry his head about anything. I wanted to be responsible for him and took great responsibility of his feelings. However, that is not true love. That created incredible anger and resentment in my heart. I was about to explode with anger but instead of exploding I stuffed it a little deeper and a little deeper until I did not even realize I was angry. When anxiety would surface I would look at it and ignore it. I might spend a little time with God here or there but I could handle it on my own (pride). Finally, I broke down. I sobbed my eyes out. I was so angry. I was so resentful and I did not want to be. I was so sorry for feeling the way I did but I did feel that way. It was time to own up to what I was feeling.

I am learning that feelings are okay. That sounds silly but the only feelings I want to feel are good ones. Who doesn't. But, that is not life. God did not create only a few feelings for us to feel. Shoot, he felt incredible feelings as he died on the cross for my sins. It would have been bad enough if it was only for my sins but he died for every one's sins. The heaviness of that decision is more than I can comprehend and never want to comprehend. I about had a nervous breakdown by carrying only one persons burdens. It is only God who can carry all of our burdens. What a freedom to know he is in control.

So, where does that leave me? I have a new appreciation for the God of the universe. As I closed my eyes and was praying this morning I was overcome with a sense of awe I have never felt. I felt incredibly privileged to be in His presence. I think of what an honor it would be to meet with President Bush and God is so much greater than that. I experienced an incredible sense of awe and amazement that was super special. And at the same time, this same God lives in me and is so personal. He comes to my rescue at a moments notice. When I call he always answers. I never have to go to voicemail. He is transforming the way I think and allowing me the opportunity to have more of a personal relationship with Him. He is my strength. Satan might try to bombard me and he has but God stands firm. He is my rock. He is my stronghold. He is my King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is my Protector. He is also my best friend. What an amazing God we serve.

Excitement and Hope

Today was an interesting day. I called about a counseling appointment with one lady who happens to not be with this group any more but was put in touch with a different lady who I think is going to be perfect for me. I called today and actually had my first appointment today. As I sat and talked and told her what my goals were she was understanding and encouraging. She even gave me homework! I am kind of excited to work on it because even though I know it is sometimes tough to look back and reflect on the past there is something back there I need to deal with so I can move on and be the woman God created me to be. I am that woman now but I feel like there is so much more He can do through me if I can allow him.

Tonight Dave is out of town on a disc golf trip, the last overnighter of the year (I think) so it is just Will, me and the dogs. I decided to do a spur of the moment dinner invite. I had some friends over that live a short distance from us. Will and I walked over to invite them and they accepted. I made some chicken dish and rice and a salad. It was fun to put it together. The house was not a mess so I did not have lots of cleaning up to do. The only problem, I could hardly keep my eyes open. My body is tired. Hopefully good sleep will be the result tonight.

Victory In Christ

So, it has been a little bit of a long night. I have slept, a little bit but for the most part, I have rested. In doing so, my mind shifts to God. I picture him holding me in his arms and loving on me. It is a sweet picture and one of my favorites.

In thinking about that, I began to think about what Victory in Christ means. To me, it means being a conquerer over tough times. It means freedom. It means relying on Christ, not myself to overcome obsticles. For example, not sleeping well is an obsticle. It means tomorrow will be a rough day but when I turn it into a competition, it becomes a time to be victorious. When I am really tired and trying to stay awake at work, I have to depend on God to keep my eyes open. Sometimes that means getting up and going for a walk. That means allowing the sun to bask on my face and that always makes me smile. Sometimes that means just walking around the office (if it is raining outside). Sometimes it means laying my head down on my desk and closing my eyes for a few minutes. Sometimes it means going into the bathroom and splashing some water on my face.

What it does not mean is to worry. Looking at this as a challenge can be tough. I think about the fact that Dave will be gone this weekend so it is just Will and me and the pups. Will I have the energy to take care of my responsibilities. On my own, probably not but when I cry out to Christ for help, he always leads me on the right path.

I have also come to a conclusion. It is time to deal with this anxiety. There is something that triggers it and when that emotion surfaces it scares me. After talking to a good friend who happens to be a nurse practitioner, we decided I shouldl go back on the meds but should get some counseling to deal with this. There is an underlying issue that I have not dealt with. That is what I want to get to the bottom of. I thought I had dealt with all my issues but there are definitely some still there. The victory is in discovering what is hindering me and presssing on with that knowledge. I feel there is so much more God wants to do with my life but I have to "deal" with this issue and I need some outside help. My friend gave me the name of a good counselor that she and her husband have gone to in the past. She is a Christian counselor and when I read her website I teared up. She is a nurse and a counselor. She has experience in dealing with all kinds of situations from eating disorders to post tramatic stress syndrome to everything in between and she counsels by sharing the love and gentleness of Christ with her counselees. I am so excited to get started and unpeel yet another layer of the onion.

Random Thoughts

I am on an intersting path right now. I have been off of some medicine for anxiety for some time now. Every once-in-awhile I will get a twinge that causes me to think, maybe I should still be on the medicine but I have noticed something. I don't need the meds to be successful in coping with my anxiety. Infact, I think in some ways the meds do me a disservice because I don't feel. My emotions are pacified. Sometimes the angry emotion is not but the joy and the excitement for life tend to fade into the distance.

This is something I have only recently realized. I have been off the meds for probably 6, maybe 8 months now. It has only been in the last month that I have had a few bouts of anxiety and it is usually because of a situation. For example, a few weeks ago I had a bout. It was the week after we had been down to Johnson City to visit some family, Will was not eating well and we had our neice from Huntsville up for a visit. I was overwelmed and stressed. Stress resulted in anxiety.

More recently I had a day where I just felt a little anxious. That subsided. I took one anxiety med that is not suppose to work for some time once it has been out of your system and I was back to normal. That made me go, ummm. What is it about anxiety that scares me so much?

I know what it is. I had an experience a number of years ago where anxiety and depression took over my being. Death was knocking on my door. My emotions were so raw that I did not even know what to feel. I was so lonely and scared. Medicine helped, signifigantly. I was able to get back on my feet and feel like a real person so that I could deal with some of my issues. While the issues are mostly resolved, that feeling creeps up and scares the snot out of me.

There I said it. I am afraid of anxiety. I am afraid of what it can do to my body. However, fear fuels anxiety and the cycle continues. I can be enslaved to the feeling of anxiety, or I can pacify my feelings and never again experience the joy that comes with freedom.

Let me explain. Recently, as in today and yesterday, I experienced a joy that I have not felt in a long time. It is a joy that says, yes, you can do anything you put your mind to. It is a joy that seeks Christ and finds refuge in him. It is a joy that only comes from him. Since last October I have been praying that God would fill our home with his Love, Joy and Peace. Only now do I realize that my home is in my heart. When Christ fills my heart with his love, joy and peace I am a new woman, free from fear of the past. It is at this point that I can do all that God has called me to do and to be. I notice I am more gentle and peaceful but because I am on the verge of this discovery, Satin is playing with me. Do I go for the meds or do I surrender to Christ. I want to surrender to Christ and enjoy the range of emotions he has created us to feel. That is what I want to do.

Can I really give this completely up to Him? Trust is not the issue. I trust him with my whole heart. If that is really true, do I trust him to turn the fear into rejoicing and times of celebration? Could that really happen? I hope with all my heart it can because I love feeling joy and peace. I love feeling love.

So, where does this love and joy come from. Straight from God. Without him I am hopelessly lost. That is when I fall back on meds to help me get through my day. That is when I get discouraged and feel dispair. That is when I begin to feel overwelmed with life and all it has to offer. It is then that I cry out to Christ, but why wait? What if I cried out to Christ every morning and asked him to specifically bless my day? What if I prayed for peace and joy to overflow in my life everyday and believed he could do it? What would happen to my family if I allowed Christ to fully work in my life? What if....

I think I will give it a try. God is so good and he won't give me more than I can handle. I also believe he will fully lead me back to medication if that is what I need to do. It is not that I am against it because I know it helps people all the time. I just think there is more to life that I am missing out on because I am afraid of one little emotion.

What are you afraid of???

My Best Friend

The image that came to mind tonight was Jesus choosing me for his team. He said, "Hey Em, I want you on my team. I want you to play for me. I believe you are the best one for the job I have prepared but I need to be your captain. I need to teach you and lead you. Apart from me, you will fall every time. The time requirement is minimal but very important. I need you to spend time with me every morning so that you are briefed on the upcomings for the day. I don't want you to go at this alone or be blind sided so you have to show up for the meetings. Excuses will only hurt you and prevent you from doing the best I have for you to do."

This seems simple enough so why is it so hard? Why do I have such a hard time committing to God? I can commit to my husband, my child and my friends. My most important relationship in this world should be with the "team captain." He is in charge of my team. He is incharge of the relationships in my life. He is in charge of my life. But boy do I struggle with this.

It is about a choice. Daily, I make lots of choices. When I give God a few minutes in the morning it affects the choices I make throughout the day in a positive way. I have noticed that my attitude towards people is different. I am not so short or quick to judge. When I don't spend that few minutes in the morning with God, not only do I suffer but so does those around me.

Pride kicks in. YUCK. It is dirty and heavy. While some pride is good, the kind of pride I experience when I "do it on my own" is dirty. There is no other word for it. I feel dusty and in need of good pledging. I love it when I dust (once in a blue moon - if even that often). It smells so clean an makes the room shine. That is what I am in need of and I get that every time I turn to God.

Turning to Christ is a special thing for me. He is so gentle with me and patient. He welcomes me with open arms every single time. All I have to say is "Lord, I have fallen away from you again. I need to be back in your presence because I need your guidence and direction" and as if I was never away he welcomes me back. He holds me in his arms as a daddy would hold his daughter and with a smile on his face says, "boy I am glad to have you home! I have missed you."

I hate to say it but this falling away happens often and that is where I come into the picture. I am weak but he is strong. Sometimes, often times, more often than I care to think about, I put on the "strong" hat. While I think I can wear it successfully for awhile it is only a short time before I realize, nope, apart from Christ I can do nothing.

So, I just happened to read the Daily Bread this morning already and low and behold, it was about Paul and his friend, Odeicious. Odecious had been up and down on a roller coaster ride with Christ. He was back where he needed to be with his relationship with Christ and had been called to be Paul's voice to the Philemons. As I read the scripture and brief devotional what I had been contemplating was confirmed. Sometimes we stray but Jesus always welcomes me back into the flock and daily teaches me about himself and how I can share that with others through actions alone. eventually I might get to use words but for the most part, my actions speak very loudly. People are always watching me to see how I will respond. I respond so much better when I have conferenced with Christ first!

Thought to Ponder

I just love it when I get an email from a friend I haven't heard from in a long time. Actually, I had written her to ask for some prayer about a few things and she emailed back. Her note was so encouraging and yet, it hardly said anything. It was more the fact that she said she was praying for me and I knew she would.

She is a mentor that I met with once every month or so when she was in Bloomington. She and her husband with their daughters have moved down to the Dominican Republic to be missionaries. She is super busy down there especially right now with summer mission trips coming down but she had the time to email me back. I was blessed because she took some time out of her day. She is older and wiser and a blessing to anyone she comes into contact with. The people in the DR are blessed to have her.

She is an example of a godly woman with a heart of gold. She has her struggles but she finds herself at the cross at each cross roads. I have learned a lot from her. I have learned the importance of prayer and how it works. When I am out of patience and need a small glimpse of reality she gently shifts me back in the right direction. She is a blessing to me.

I pray that one day I can be that person to someone. Life is tough. We need friends. We need each other. In the end, God's work is carried out and it is good.

A Growing, Somber Day

Today was one of those weird days were I was emotional. Not crabby but actually teary. It doesn't happen very often so when it does it throws me into a little bit of a tail spin. So, I journaled. I tried to figure out what was bothering me at the root. On the surface things bothering me included my son not eating well and feeling responsible, being tired because of a long week at work prior to a long weekend out of town, and worried about my relationship with my husband. The problem was/is deeper than that. The problem lies within my heart.

I have this problem. I like to be responsible for everything and everyone. Maybe it is the big sister in me or maybe it is a control issue or both. Regardless, it tends to creep up every now and again. I want to tell me son he has to eat from me and I want him to do it. I want to tell my husband to find a job and for him to do it. I want to tell me to lose weight and then do it. That would be so simple, or would it. Do I really want all the responsibility for my husband and my little boy? An absolute NO!

This is where God comes into the picture. When Will was born Dave and I felt an incredible responsibility to look to God for his guidence in raising this little boy into a man God would be proud of. Will is God's child and as much as I love him, he does not belong to me. As I write that I get tears in my eyes. I have to trust God to do what is best for this little boy. I also have to trust God to lead our family. I look to Dave for leadership. I so badly want him to step up to the plate and create structure in our family with goals. But, that is not Dave. This not who he is. So, what do I do with that? I have to love him for who he is. He loves video games. He loves Will. He loves me. Sometimes I get so tied up in what he is not doing to meet my expectations that I forget what he is doing. Just now, for example, he called me because he wanted to talk with me. We talked Disc Golf. Maybe we can go to a tournament together. We need some together time.

So, time to sign off. God is good. Dave is good. Will is good and so am I. Sometimes I just need to write it out...

God's Presence this time around

This week thus far has been very intersting, insightful and healing. Dave has been gone and I have been home with Will, which I love, but it can be challenging at times. The challenge comes into play when I stop, take a deep breath and allow God to work in my life. Let me explain.

I am very good at taking situations by the horns and trying to control the outcome. That take control mentality often leaves me alone, and bitter. I look around, particularly at my husband, and question why he does not do some of the things I think he should. I am doing so much. Look at me. Praise me because I have my act together. And then, inevidable, I find myself at the feet of God asking for forgiveness.

You see, it is a cycle for me. I start out at God's feet, asking for his help with a situation, usually when anxiety is involved. My anxiety is curtailed, to the point of none existance. Instead of praising God and moving forward with him I find myself take back control. I get the "I can do it" mentality which, because it is on my own, results in the human emotions of bitterness, anger, depression and down right grumpiness which brings me full circle and back to the feet of God.

With Dave gone this week I have had some serious quiet, alone time, and I haven't been able to run. That is important because running is a great way for me to deal with anxiety on a human level. Interestingly enough, Mike's sermon this past week, the part that I heard, was about finding a quiet spot and communing with God. I was forced into that this week a little bit but I so badly needed it. I needed to be refreshed by the Holy Spirit. I close my eyes and picture myself running to his open arms as a daddy would his child. He scoops me up in a fatherly hug and says, "boy I have missed you. Welcome home."

While I have been in this place in the past I have never felt a "welcome home" quite like this. God is all smiles when he reaches down for me. I say I am sorry for being gone for so long and not accepting his help and he smiles and says, you are forgiven. I have and always will love you as if you were my only child. And only by the grace of God, this time I accept his forgiveness. I accept his open arms. I accept his love. I accept his grace. I accept his peace. I accept his rest.

Do I really need to follow this same path again and again before I get it, God is the only way to succeed in this life?

The Day of the Tree

Boy, I tell you what. I am so thankful I am not a customer service rep for Airtran. They made us miss our flight yesterday. Dave found a walking stick he really wanted to take home to refine and make into a nice walking stick, rope work and all. In order to get the stick home, it had to fly on the airplane. At first I thought our attempts to get this stick home would be stopped from the get go when we rode the Merta into the airport from Alpharetta. There was a security guy standing next to the ticket check in who mentioned that "pole vaults" were not allowed on the train. Some how we got it on anyway and the 7' stick made it to the Airtran baggage check in. We waited in line for 15 minutes or so and when we made it to the baggage check in they told us we need to have the "stick" wrapped in bubble rap for fear that it would hurt the plane. Folks, if this 7 ' stick with a 2" diameter is going to hurt the plane I have serious concerns about riding on that plane. Know what I mean?

Anyway, Dave went over and had the stick wrapped in bubble wrap for the going price of $9. Ironically, they did not wrap the ends, the part of the stick that would cause the "damage." Thankfully, Dave did not have to wait in the line again before checking the "stick". However, the people at the check in counter when Dave arrived must have been telling the check in lady their life story because he waited for thme to "shut it" for almost another 20 minutes.

Time check: in the airport for 40 minutes

Time to walk through security. Now understand that we are very blessed to live in a smaller community with a simple, four gate airport in central Illinois. Getting through the security is a pleasent experience. They abide by the rules but things move quickly. NOT IN ATLANTA! The security line was wrapped around baggage claim. We waited 45 minutes before we got into the hall way where the security gates were. I am not kidding.... During that 1.5 hour wait, our flight home came....and left....We missed the flight by 20 minutes - the extra time spent in the baggage claim area.

Time check: Waiting to get through security: 1.5 hours

So, we went to our gate and got the next flight to Bloomington scheduled for 4:49PM. It was 10AM. We had been at their airport since 7:30AM but up at 5:30AM. So, time to wait. Meanwhile, Dave decided to talk with Customer service to voice his concern about their poor customer service, their poor policies and anything else he could think of. He was hot. Customer service could not help him out and sent him back to the check in desk - on the other side of security....

Dave had the time and probably needed to walk off a little hot steam. When he got down there the lady he was suppose to speak with was not available. The check in lady asked what he would like done for the inconvience and he said a voucher or, bare minimum, an apologize. Out walks Harvey, the baggage claim person who made us get the stick wrapped in bubble wrap. He asked what he could do. Harvey, could not do anything. It was an ackward.

So, Dave left the counter without any satisfaction. Before leaving, the counter lady mentioned something to DAve about being the man with the "tree" and snickered. It was apparent the story had travelled throughout the baggage check in area and Dave was being made fun of. Not a nice way to treat a customer.

Dave came close to punching someone out at Airtran but thankfully did not. I was not interested in baling him out of airport prison althought I would have and I would have understood.

Finally, we get on our plane. Will is sleeping, a very tired boy after waking up at 5am, a small 1 hour name in the morning and then crashing around 2:45. He wakes up to eat while we take off. Poor little guy, he was so tired. He slept almost the entire way back to Bloomington.

And finally, the "tree", the son, the husband and the wife all make it back to Bloomington airport. I can honestly not think of a time I have been more excited to be home - relieved. Everyone was glad to be home. We found our car, found our luggage, loaded the vehicle and raced to LeRoy to pick up the pups. We get the dogs just as the last few vet people were leaving (we arrived 45 minutes after the office officially closed). Home sweet home. The house we left was a mess but honestly, I did not care. We were home.

And that should be the end of the story but about 15 minutes after we were home Dave asked the amazing question, Em do you remember us grabbing the "tree" (our affectionate term for the walking stick) at the airport. Nope. It was still there. LOVELY! So, Dave races back to the airport to grab the stick. The safety people had moved it inside because it was an "unattended baggage item" but had not destroyed it yet. Dave grabbed the stick and I am pleased to announce, it is home - safe and sound.

Total time in the airport 10 hours
Total time in the air: 1.5 hours
Total time dealing bringing the stick home: 12 hours

Boy, that is going to be a beautiful stick!

VACATION!

So, we did it. We took our first airplane ride last night with Will. He did well. He did not sleep like I had hoped but oh well. That is not the first or the last time that I have not been able to control my son, nor do I really want to. I enjoy watching his little personality emerge. Daily he changes and grows and I want to give him as many experiences as I can without overwelming him. Anyway, he did well. He was a trooper. Dave and I were mostly relaxed with him. He slept mostly well last night but it is weird with him sleeping in the same room as us. He wakes up throughout the night and goes back to sleep without bothering us. Usually we don't hear him but when we are in the same room, we hear each other. Again, oh well.

The trade off is to live by a schedule that does not allow Dave and I to be who we are. We love to go and travel and visit with friends. That means Will's schedule is flexible. Honestly, he is okay with his schedule. It is me that struggles with it. What if he gets out of his routine so much that he forgets it and we have to start with square one? What if he is grouchy and it shows as a poor reflection on me because I am a bad mom who doesn't let her kiddo get enough sleep? What if he becomes a booger throughout the day because he is tired and crabby? The what if game, what a mess. It leaves me stressed but I have learned that answer the "What if" questions is great therapy for me. It reminds me of he truth of the various situations. Bottom line, God has blessed us with a good little boy who is flexible. God knew we would need that so he blessed us with that. Why do I worry about things I have no control over? Why do I give those "issues" that much time? Silly - very silly but I am learning.

Daily, I grow, emotionally. I mature. I long to be a woman whom others see as wise. However, is that something I can make happen? Again, a God-thing. He has put wise women in my life that help mold and shape my life. He has given me wisdom that only comes from him. He blesses me with confidence. He blesses me with experiences. He blesses me with opportunities to grow and change. God is so good. Without him, I would truly be a basket case on a regular basis, not just every once in awhile. God is soo good, yet so often I don't give him the time of day. Definitely something I need to work on.

Day Off!

Can I just tell you that I love my days off now. Before I had Will I enjoyed them, sort of. I had to have something to do in order to take a day off. Otherwise my mind got bored and I felt completely out of sinc without a routine. Now I look forward to staying home anytime. I don't think it is just because of Will. I think I enjoy taking care of my family. I enjoy taking care of our house and making our house a home. I enjoy people coming over to our house and fellowshipping with us. I enjoy the unstructured time yet try to make use of my time. I enjoy my family more than I ever thought I would. I never knew what it felt like truely enjoy my family. I have found that the feelings I have for my immedient family

Moments I wish could last forever

Tonight after I had put Will to bed all of the sudden he cried out. I waited a couple of minutes and when he would not go back to sleep I went in, picked him up and rocked him. It was a special moment. He snuggled into my arms, sighed a deep breath and went back to sleep. Even once he was asleep I kept holding him, praising God for such a special little boy.

I have a hard time remembering what it was like before Will. The joy that was in my life was vague and came and went with the day. Since Will has been born he has filled my heart with joy. Whenever I look at him I think about the wonderful blessing he is in my life. His smiles, his fingers, his eyes, his gentle spirit - all gifts from the Master.

And then I my thoughts turn to God. If I love this little boy as much as I do and that is such a small portion of how much God loves me, he must love me an awful lot! He loves me more than I can imagine. He loves everything about me just like I love everything about Will. I even love his cries because it means he is breathing and alive. I love his laughs because his whole face lights up when he laughs. I love his cheeks and his belly that I get to zabert. Doing that makes him laugh. I love his giggles which he gives more freely every day. I love that he sleeps well - what a blessing. I love watching him interact with his Daddy. What an amazing little guy. I love him this much today, when he is only 5 months old. What kind of love will I feel for him in 5 more months or a year from now? It is a love I cannot imagine because I could not imagine that I would love this little guy as much as I do now. It is a feeling I cannot explain and even if I could, it is a feeling that is different for everyone.

And maybe that love is suppose to be different for everyone. Every person is different so it make sense that every person would give or receive love differently. Almost every night I pray that God will fill our home with love, joy and peace and that he would fill us with those gifts so that we can extend those to others. He has answered that pray and daily answers it more and more. God is so good to us.