My Hubby

I have to tell you something. I have a best friend. It is a he and sometimes I forget that he is my best friend. Sometimes I don't treat him like my best friend - I treat him not so nice.

That is what happened yesterday. My nerves had been grated and I was fiesty but not in a good way. I was mean. that wasn't like me. What was going on? Why was I so PO'ed at the world and in particular, at my hubby?

I could list the outside factors that seemed very logical - dishes to do, laundry to fold, floors to mop, floors to vacuum, toys to pick up. Why was I doing all of this after working all day? So, I put on my most unattractive attitude - martidum - and quickly picked things up. The main focus on where to put said toys was a large trash can outside. I mean, if we didn't have all these toys then we (I) wouldn't have to pick them up! The fire in my thought process was being fanned and all the sudden there was a bonfire. Logs were being added. Things not usually ment for burning were being added (plastic cups, stuffed animals, legos, toy cars, tools sitting on my kitchen counter, games, papers, ect, ect...).

To calm my frustration I decided I needed a nice candle to burn, literally. I thought maybe the aroma would be therapy for my soul. Ironically, I couldn't find a lighter. So I had this amazing bonfire and nothing to light it with, literally.

What can be hotter than fire? What is sharper than a sword? My mouth. And the words I wish I could take back simply spilled out. Once they were out there I looked at my husband. He was hurt. Very, very hurt. He was already down I and came in for the final kick. It wasn't intential but it must have been on my mind because the words flowed out without any analysis on my part. I hate it when that happens!

He went off to sooth his aching soul and then he said something I will never forget. He said, "Sometimes I think you would be better off without me." Oh wow. I deserved it. Dave has never been one to keep things to himself.

As I drove off to a party, of all things, last night I had time to think and pray. I realized as I prayed that my husband is my best friend and yet I wasn't treating him as such. I was treating him more like a kid. He is a 41 year old man. He deserves a little more respect than that. He deserves to have a bad day, week, month every once in a while. And he deserves to have a wife that will let him figure things out without her ever so helpful "encouragement."

I love him and wouldn't trade him for the world. He is my Dave-O, Handsome Boy, Knight in Shinning Armor. All of his expectations and mine for that matter, might not be met yet but that doesn't change the fact that I love him. I hope he can know that.

Another week as come and gone...

What a crazy week! Dave came up with this great plan to surprise my dad on his birthday by showing up in Nashville for a couple of days - unannounced. We told my brother and sister-in-law who live next door but other than that, my dad did not have a clue. We were going to show up at his house and stick both boys in a wrapped box and then have my dad open the box but we arrived right as he was scheduled to see a client. Instead we met him at his work as he was pulling in. He was definitely surprised! I loved his smile. Very genuine. We enjoyed nice conversation over dinner with my brother and his very sweet wife. I love her. She is such an excellent addition to our family. Then we all headed to bed. Poor Timothy didn't sleep well. I actually slept on the floor next to his little bed for a bit that night with my hand on his back. As soon as I moved he would wake up. Just needed his mama nearby I guess.

The next day we went and saw the trains at Cheekwood and lunch with Colin. Lunching with two children, even well behaved children, does not lend itself to much conversation. But, we enjoyed the meal anyway. We took two very tired children back to Dad's. Dad and I went out to grab a couple of items we needed for the all american dinner - hamburgers, baked beans, watermelon and corn on the cob. Yum.... The meal was finished off by dad's famous milk shakes. Never can get enough of those. Will LOVES my dad's milkshakes. He went up and asked specifically for one after dinner and again the next morning for breakfast. For dinner, yes but not for breakfast. Oh well. Can't blame the boy for trying! That afternoon (before dinner) dad decided he wanted to wash the car for us. When my dad washes a car he doesn't just run some soap and water over the exterior. He does it right. First he washes, uses some tar/bug remover, then dries so no water spots are left over and then waxes. He was doing this in 101 degree weather. He was SOAKED when he came inside and looked very tired. Michelle helped with the vacuuming and the next day Dad and I finished up with windows, final vacuuming, and more de-hairing. He had this really neat brush that took up dog hair better than anything I have ever used before. Very slick.

One of the things I truly appreciate about my dad is that he does things right. And he loves to do things for his children. I hope he is around for a long, long time - because I love him very much.

And then we had a flair up with my mom. I HATE divorce and alcoholism. If anyone ever tries to tell me addictions will not effect the family I would call them ignorant at best. The problem with divorce is that we have to split our time between parents. You would think after 20+ years I would be use to it but alias, I am not. I still wish my parents were married. But then there is this nasty addiction that has plagued our family. It is evil and vindictive. I am so thankful that God has healed so many of the wounds and anger I had towards my mom. Slowly I am beginning to trust her and open up to her and it feels so good. Grace is what I have learned and it has freed me up to have a relationship with her. Dave come to this addiction situation with a different viewpoint. He wants to protect his family. And protection from a person struggling with an addiction is tricky. I want to have a relationship with my mom but I don't want to allow the disease to ruin that. I have to remember to love my mom in spite of the addiction. She is a woman who happens to be my mom. I am not going to continue to fault her for struggling with an addiction. But everyone gets to that point at a different speed. Dave is not there yet so we had to bypass a visit with her this time. I really want her to be able to hold the boys and love on them. But, as I am learning, I have to trust God.

My mom was very disappointed and hurt when she found out we were in town. I purposely had not told her we would be in town in case we were not able to see her. She found out because of a facebook post. Thankfully something good was able to come out of all of this. My mom and I were able to reconcile quickly. In the past it has taken months sometimes for the hurt to subside but this time it only took a couple of days. She apologized for getting so upset and said she still doesn't understand but is going to be patient. I was able to confront her on something she had said the evening before and God gave me the grace to say it with love. Thank you LORD!!

Next week I go back to work and while I like routine I find myself somewhat sad. I love being a house wife. I love taking care of my family. I love taking care of the house. My new prayer is simple, show me how to trust you more and stop me when I forget.