Today in my quiet time/prayer time I realized my relationship with Christ is changing - drastically. Let me take you on a journey through my heart. This is highly personal but helps me come full circle in my relationship with Christ.
God meets me every morning. Actually, I meet him. He never pressures me into visiting with him but the more I meet with him and get to know him the more I want to meet with him. The more I want to be in prayer for long periods of time. The more I want to enjoy his company. It kind of goes like this. My meeting place is kind of like a stage. I enter but the stage is just me and God and there aren't any people in the audience. It is dark and the room is only lit by a fire in the fireplace. There are two over sized leather chairs that are just comfortable, not over stuffed but perfect for sitting in and talking. There is a small table in between the two chairs and either coffee, tea or something of that nature sitting on the table for me to drink. Never does God drink. He just looks at me and listens.
You might be thinking, what does God look like to me? He looks like an older man - a very fatherly figure. He greets me with a hug and a smile every time. He always says, "thanks for coming and I am so glad to see you." He really enjoys my company. Then we talk. Actually, typically I do a lot of the talking. He listens with a very peaceful look on his face. Sometimes his face shows sadness but usually it is just a gentle face, confident that he is in control and so glad I am seeking him. He is very personal to me. After joining him in this room I always feel peace. He lays out my plan for the day and tells me my purpose which is always the same. He tells me I am to be a wife and mama today. I need to treat my co-workers with respect and tackle challenges head on. When problems arise deal with them. Sweeping them under the rug is not dealing with them. They will resurface.
Because of this encounter my relationship with God is totally changing. Prayer is not just a bunch of words that I hope to express correctly. There is feeling behind the words. It is about a relationship and that is a two way street. I have access directly to God. I don't think I have understood that in this light before. I know Satan is alive and well but I know I can go to this place of prayer at any time. Never is God too busy for me. In fact, it is as if he is always waiting for me. And when I leave he leaves with me - guiding my every step and protecting me against so many things I never even know about. With this in mind, I am never alone. His presence is alive and living in me.
Step by step, I am growing.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hum.... A blah day....
I hate blah days. Makes me ask the question, "what is wrong with me!" I have such a good life. I have a husband who loves me dearly and two boys who I would not trade for anything. I have two dogs that are such good sports. They don't get nearly enough attention but they still love me. I have a decent job that allows my husband to stay home with our boys. I have extended family that loves me. I am very loved. But yet, some days none of that completely matters. Some days I feel like I am just existing. Today is kind of one of those days.
I am going through the motions and getting things done. It is not like a full blown depression but more like a hint of what depression is like. It is a reminder of where I do not want to be. And yet, as I was thinking about this this past weekend (kind of been in a funk all weekend) I had several thoughts run through my head.
1. I am thankful for my seasons of depression. Don't get me wrong, I would not mind if I never had another episode but having been on this journey, I know how others feel. This journey has made me a stronger person. When depression rears its ugly head I know life goes on and depression does not last forever. I know tools to use to move past this and I am thankful for that. One of those tools is medicine. Another is exercise but probably the most beneficial tool I have is prayer. It is when I am quiet and still that God can speak to me. He whispers about his love for me, his daughter. He reminds me of the good gifts I have and is in the process of teaching me how to enjoy those gifts.
2. Accepting good gifts. I have a bit of a problem accepting the good gifts God has given to me. Why is that? I don't feel worthy but to be honest, I am not worthy. I am a sinner in need of grace. What a better example of grace then receiving good gifts in the midst of my sinful nature. Sometimes I find myself fearful that I won't enjoy the gifts and as a result, I don't enjoy them to the fullest. My prayer is that I will enjoy the gifts I have been given and not question them - just accept them. There is so much doom in gloom in this world. It is easier to see that than it is to see the blessings. As my eyes are more opened to the blessings I want to grab ahold of them and LIVE.
3. Serving in church. Yesterday morning I woke up concerned about how much I was serving in church. God answered my prayer question in the service yesterday. Mike, our pastor, reminded us that we can only do a few things really well. Those are the areas we are to be serving. For me, that means I get to serve my family, serve through my work and then serve at church. If it seems a little out of wack I don't think it really is. God has given me a family to take care of. He has also given me a job. As much as I don't like my job some days it is where I get to share the love of Christ through my actions. God has me here for a reason for a season. I might not get to see the fruits of labor but he is working. My hope is that I get to see some of the poeple I work with in heaven one day. God is using me here, I just don't always know how or understand why.
Bottom line. I am loved. That much I do know. One day I will love myself in all kinds of weather. I am a special case and that makes me smile.
Today when I got up, the thought ran through my head that has run through my head often. Good morning Lord. and Satan, watch out. No tellin' what God is going to do with me today to further his kingdom!
I am going through the motions and getting things done. It is not like a full blown depression but more like a hint of what depression is like. It is a reminder of where I do not want to be. And yet, as I was thinking about this this past weekend (kind of been in a funk all weekend) I had several thoughts run through my head.
1. I am thankful for my seasons of depression. Don't get me wrong, I would not mind if I never had another episode but having been on this journey, I know how others feel. This journey has made me a stronger person. When depression rears its ugly head I know life goes on and depression does not last forever. I know tools to use to move past this and I am thankful for that. One of those tools is medicine. Another is exercise but probably the most beneficial tool I have is prayer. It is when I am quiet and still that God can speak to me. He whispers about his love for me, his daughter. He reminds me of the good gifts I have and is in the process of teaching me how to enjoy those gifts.
2. Accepting good gifts. I have a bit of a problem accepting the good gifts God has given to me. Why is that? I don't feel worthy but to be honest, I am not worthy. I am a sinner in need of grace. What a better example of grace then receiving good gifts in the midst of my sinful nature. Sometimes I find myself fearful that I won't enjoy the gifts and as a result, I don't enjoy them to the fullest. My prayer is that I will enjoy the gifts I have been given and not question them - just accept them. There is so much doom in gloom in this world. It is easier to see that than it is to see the blessings. As my eyes are more opened to the blessings I want to grab ahold of them and LIVE.
3. Serving in church. Yesterday morning I woke up concerned about how much I was serving in church. God answered my prayer question in the service yesterday. Mike, our pastor, reminded us that we can only do a few things really well. Those are the areas we are to be serving. For me, that means I get to serve my family, serve through my work and then serve at church. If it seems a little out of wack I don't think it really is. God has given me a family to take care of. He has also given me a job. As much as I don't like my job some days it is where I get to share the love of Christ through my actions. God has me here for a reason for a season. I might not get to see the fruits of labor but he is working. My hope is that I get to see some of the poeple I work with in heaven one day. God is using me here, I just don't always know how or understand why.
Bottom line. I am loved. That much I do know. One day I will love myself in all kinds of weather. I am a special case and that makes me smile.
Today when I got up, the thought ran through my head that has run through my head often. Good morning Lord. and Satan, watch out. No tellin' what God is going to do with me today to further his kingdom!
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