This was an interesting week. Nothing in particular happened. It was just a good week. Thank you, Jesus!
In church last Sunday the message was about muscial worship. The speaker did a wonderful job of reminding us that when we come to church to worship it is about giving back to God. It is about praising him for who he is. It is about worshiping the King that is on the throne. It was very powerful to me and I left very thankful.
That idea has been running through my mind this past week. Each day has brought a little something to be thankful for. Monday, was an eye opener day. I have started playing this computer game with my husband called Farmtown. It is fun but my already tight schedule does not allow for useless leisure activities. However, I was drawn to the game. It is a game about completion. It is a game about growing crops and harvesting them. There are tasks that need to be accomplished which bring a reward, more coins so you can buy more things to create this farm. It is a nice, family game. No blood or guts (which I like) and it is something Dave and I can do together. The problem, I spent a little too much time on the game Monday. Yes, I went for my walk with Will and the dogs but as soon as I was back I sat down with my laptop and the planting, harvest, visiting, neigbors, ect, began. I was sitting outside while Will was playing and I justified it. He needs play time along, right? Well, then the neighbor kids came over. I was so into my game that I kind of missed out on talking with them. They are kids that are in my life for a reason. I missed out on the chance to build a relationship with them. So where does the thankful part come in? I am so thankful that God gently pointed that out to me. There was a little nagging voice that said, don't miss the relational opportunities. Those are more important. So, the rest of the week, the game waited until Will went to bed. As a result, I had more play time with him and we did play - a lot. I am not sure that I would have paid as much attention to just playing if not for that Monday experience.
Tuesday, I was thankful for my husband. We had a little run in, nothing big, just small but slightly challening nonetheless. Again, I was thankful. I am thankful for a husband that shares his feelings with me, even when I don't want to hear them. I was thankful that he went and played disc golf with some buddies. I was thankful that he has an outlet.
Wednesday was play day. Actually, first it was grocery shopping and then playing. Will and I went grocery shopping which is always a fun experience. Everything is a learning opportunity for that little guy and for me. I love looking for ways to teach him. He is like a little sponge and he loves to learn from me. I embraced that opportunity. After shopping we went to the farmer's market in Downs. We bought some potatoes and I let him carry the bag. He was so proud of himself. It was so cute! I also realized it was time to teach him about being respectful to adults. One way to do that is to acknowledge them when they speak to him. Sometimes he will bashfully shy away. I decided that action could do more harm than good so no more excuses. When someone greets Will he greets them back. I feel like that was a little nudge from God for me to impress upon Will. Respect is one of those attributes Dave and I feel very strongly about imparting to our kids. Twenty-two months is not too early to begin the lessons. And, he was receptive. After the market we played outside for over an hour. I was pulling weeds and he was exploring. Every once in awhile I would look over at him and he would be playing in some water or exploring a patch of rocks. I found him in the wood chips pile at one point. I thought about the fact that maybe some of the things he was doing might be dangerous but I assessed the risk. I did not feel anything was too much of a risk so I let him explore. He was one filthy boy when we went inside but we both felt a sense of accomplishment. Again, thank you.
Thursday was a busy afternoon. I had to take Maddy and Tucker to the vet and then it was Bunco night. While I was at bunco a lady that typically is a little loud and I struck up a conversation. It was incredibly encouraging and just want I think both of us needed. I felt like I had been at Bunco for a very specific purpose and it wasn't to play bunco!
Today, is Friday. I am thankful for Fridays. It is almost like crossing the finishing line for the week. After finishing a race the reward is a nice, refreshing shower and a long nap. I am looking forward to both of those this weekend. Thank you, Lord, for Fridays.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Word of the Week - Worry
What an interesting little five letter word, worry. It is a little word that describes one of my most fallible areas. The more I learn about myself the more I learn that I have a little problem with this sin. That is what it is. I would love to call it something else but the truth is that is what it is.
This morning I found myself in an interesting place. I found myself worried about my husband. He did not sleep well last night, actually did not sleep at all. I was worred that his attitude would be very poor which would cause me grief. Instantly a wall went up. It was a wall of fear. The wall has a facade that is called worry. When I looked at the worry in my life this morning I saw it for what it really was.
The worry was selfish on my part. You see, when Dave is out of sync, he, like anyone truthfully, gets moody. I feel like I need to fix his moodiness. I tend to walk on egg shells until he is back to "normal." The problem is I don't know what normal is. There is no normal because we are always in a state of growing and changing. If we were always constant we would never grow.
So I started thinking about this a little deeper. I took a very specific event, one night of insomnia, and thought about what happens when I don't sleep. I am tired the next day but I still get through it. I function. I lay down and rest when I can. I seek Christ for my strength. This is what I do now but not what I have always done. In the past I worried, incredibly. I had this little demon on my shoulder that equated not sleeping with depression or anxiety. While depression and/or anxiety usually does follow from several nights of not sleeping well that is no longer my focus. My focus is what is God doing? You see it is in the valleys that I grow.
Thankfully we don't have to stay in the valley forever. In the book, Breaking Free, one of the characteristics of a rebellious child of God that I identified with tremendously was that sometimes I rely on oppression. As I look back at my life it was filled with oppression. I was never certain of what lay at the next corner. Would mom be drunk? Would she be alive? Would she be honest? Would I meet Dad's expectations? Now, I am married. I have moved away from my childhood family but those qualities still haunt me, only now through my husband and little boy. Thoughts such as will Dave be depressed, will he be detached, will he be angry lurk in my mind. That oppression of worry, of not knowing what is around the corner - that keeps me in bondage.
Wow. Another layer of the onion. Every time God reveals a piece of the onion I think that revelation is the most amazing revelation and how can the next be even better. The truth, the next is always life changing. You see, this is an area of my life that has to do with my personality. It has to do with the way I was raised. It is ingrained in me. For a long time that was acceptable. Through this book, through prayer and through reading the Bible I know bondage of any kind is unacceptable in God's eyes. No bondage is good bondage. Isaiah 61:1-4 says "he (Christ) has come to bind up the broken hearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and the garment of praise instead of dispair." But, it doesn't stop there, he goes on to say that, "he will restore the ancient ruins and restore the places long devestated. He will renew the ruined cities that have been devestated for generations." The first part is all about me. He will restore me. He will bind up my hurts from the past. He will comfort me. Not only will he but he does. He is so gentle and patient as he moves me through each day. He shows me new gifts and new ways to love him by loving others. He is turning my mourning into beauty and my tears into dancing. He is freeing me, one day at a time.
The second part is all about the restoring process. As we allow him to comfort us, free us, bind up our broken hearts and allow Him to bless us we change. We become more like him. He rebuilds us but the wall has to come down first. I can't be changed unless I am willing to do my fair share of the hard work.
Beth Moore also commented that, "we want God to somehow wave a wand over us and magically remove every hindrance without requiring anything of us." She goes on to say, "God desires to change us from the inside out - renewing our minds, starving our self destructive tendencies and teaching us to form new habits." This takes time. Lots and lots of time and an incredible amount of willingness. It is a very, very, very hard task to change because we want things now! Think about it, the best things in life take time. A cake, takes time to bake. Lasagna, takes time (and crockpot lasagna, my favorite takes a really long time!). Friendship bread takes several days to make but it is so good in the end. Things that are worth waiting for are always the sweetest blessings. Something good to remember.
So back to my worry statement that I started out with. I can beat myself up with the best of them for worrying but I think that defeats the lesson God is teaching me. Instead, I am going to surrender to him today by nailing my worries to the cross. When something pops into my head that would lead to worry it goes on the cross. We will see how it works! I have a feeling it will work well.
This morning I found myself in an interesting place. I found myself worried about my husband. He did not sleep well last night, actually did not sleep at all. I was worred that his attitude would be very poor which would cause me grief. Instantly a wall went up. It was a wall of fear. The wall has a facade that is called worry. When I looked at the worry in my life this morning I saw it for what it really was.
The worry was selfish on my part. You see, when Dave is out of sync, he, like anyone truthfully, gets moody. I feel like I need to fix his moodiness. I tend to walk on egg shells until he is back to "normal." The problem is I don't know what normal is. There is no normal because we are always in a state of growing and changing. If we were always constant we would never grow.
So I started thinking about this a little deeper. I took a very specific event, one night of insomnia, and thought about what happens when I don't sleep. I am tired the next day but I still get through it. I function. I lay down and rest when I can. I seek Christ for my strength. This is what I do now but not what I have always done. In the past I worried, incredibly. I had this little demon on my shoulder that equated not sleeping with depression or anxiety. While depression and/or anxiety usually does follow from several nights of not sleeping well that is no longer my focus. My focus is what is God doing? You see it is in the valleys that I grow.
Thankfully we don't have to stay in the valley forever. In the book, Breaking Free, one of the characteristics of a rebellious child of God that I identified with tremendously was that sometimes I rely on oppression. As I look back at my life it was filled with oppression. I was never certain of what lay at the next corner. Would mom be drunk? Would she be alive? Would she be honest? Would I meet Dad's expectations? Now, I am married. I have moved away from my childhood family but those qualities still haunt me, only now through my husband and little boy. Thoughts such as will Dave be depressed, will he be detached, will he be angry lurk in my mind. That oppression of worry, of not knowing what is around the corner - that keeps me in bondage.
Wow. Another layer of the onion. Every time God reveals a piece of the onion I think that revelation is the most amazing revelation and how can the next be even better. The truth, the next is always life changing. You see, this is an area of my life that has to do with my personality. It has to do with the way I was raised. It is ingrained in me. For a long time that was acceptable. Through this book, through prayer and through reading the Bible I know bondage of any kind is unacceptable in God's eyes. No bondage is good bondage. Isaiah 61:1-4 says "he (Christ) has come to bind up the broken hearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and the garment of praise instead of dispair." But, it doesn't stop there, he goes on to say that, "he will restore the ancient ruins and restore the places long devestated. He will renew the ruined cities that have been devestated for generations." The first part is all about me. He will restore me. He will bind up my hurts from the past. He will comfort me. Not only will he but he does. He is so gentle and patient as he moves me through each day. He shows me new gifts and new ways to love him by loving others. He is turning my mourning into beauty and my tears into dancing. He is freeing me, one day at a time.
The second part is all about the restoring process. As we allow him to comfort us, free us, bind up our broken hearts and allow Him to bless us we change. We become more like him. He rebuilds us but the wall has to come down first. I can't be changed unless I am willing to do my fair share of the hard work.
Beth Moore also commented that, "we want God to somehow wave a wand over us and magically remove every hindrance without requiring anything of us." She goes on to say, "God desires to change us from the inside out - renewing our minds, starving our self destructive tendencies and teaching us to form new habits." This takes time. Lots and lots of time and an incredible amount of willingness. It is a very, very, very hard task to change because we want things now! Think about it, the best things in life take time. A cake, takes time to bake. Lasagna, takes time (and crockpot lasagna, my favorite takes a really long time!). Friendship bread takes several days to make but it is so good in the end. Things that are worth waiting for are always the sweetest blessings. Something good to remember.
So back to my worry statement that I started out with. I can beat myself up with the best of them for worrying but I think that defeats the lesson God is teaching me. Instead, I am going to surrender to him today by nailing my worries to the cross. When something pops into my head that would lead to worry it goes on the cross. We will see how it works! I have a feeling it will work well.
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