God's Presence this time around

This week thus far has been very intersting, insightful and healing. Dave has been gone and I have been home with Will, which I love, but it can be challenging at times. The challenge comes into play when I stop, take a deep breath and allow God to work in my life. Let me explain.

I am very good at taking situations by the horns and trying to control the outcome. That take control mentality often leaves me alone, and bitter. I look around, particularly at my husband, and question why he does not do some of the things I think he should. I am doing so much. Look at me. Praise me because I have my act together. And then, inevidable, I find myself at the feet of God asking for forgiveness.

You see, it is a cycle for me. I start out at God's feet, asking for his help with a situation, usually when anxiety is involved. My anxiety is curtailed, to the point of none existance. Instead of praising God and moving forward with him I find myself take back control. I get the "I can do it" mentality which, because it is on my own, results in the human emotions of bitterness, anger, depression and down right grumpiness which brings me full circle and back to the feet of God.

With Dave gone this week I have had some serious quiet, alone time, and I haven't been able to run. That is important because running is a great way for me to deal with anxiety on a human level. Interestingly enough, Mike's sermon this past week, the part that I heard, was about finding a quiet spot and communing with God. I was forced into that this week a little bit but I so badly needed it. I needed to be refreshed by the Holy Spirit. I close my eyes and picture myself running to his open arms as a daddy would his child. He scoops me up in a fatherly hug and says, "boy I have missed you. Welcome home."

While I have been in this place in the past I have never felt a "welcome home" quite like this. God is all smiles when he reaches down for me. I say I am sorry for being gone for so long and not accepting his help and he smiles and says, you are forgiven. I have and always will love you as if you were my only child. And only by the grace of God, this time I accept his forgiveness. I accept his open arms. I accept his love. I accept his grace. I accept his peace. I accept his rest.

Do I really need to follow this same path again and again before I get it, God is the only way to succeed in this life?