You will have to forgive my over analytical mind. It works much faster than I can keep up with most of the time. I am working through in my mind how to do things for God's glory instead of mine. I have been programmed, okay we all have been, to do things to receive praise for them. In and of itself that isn't a bad thing except that the praise is pointless. You work hard, get praise and then have to work hard again to get praise to feel good about yourself. Eventually the praise, like recreational drugs I suppose (although thankfully I have never tried them), isn't enough. You can't work any harder to get the praise you need. And in the process, you get very, very tired and discouraged.
Enter God. The solution - duh.... If I am working for God and looking to him for praise that is praise that is eternal. Hear me out. I was created to bring praise and glory to God. That is my ultimate purpose. I achieve that through doing things for him, not for myself. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is in this world and at this moment, it is to take care of those things he has placed in my life - my husband, my boys, my friends. People. And taking care of people is an interesting thing. It can become a chore if I look at it from a human standpoint. I get wiped out. Interestingly enough, my mom and dad both on separate occasions have commented on how proud they are of me and Dave and the work we are doing. Do you know that it really did nothing for me? It was human praise which was nice and appreciated but it did not make me want to try harder. Very interesting to me. I think this is where God is changing me.
What brings a smile to my face is knowing that I am doing what God has called me to do. He has placed two beautiful boys in my life and a very loving husband. He has given me these blessings and only asks that I enjoy them. I need to respect them, love them and seek God for how to proceed in the relationships. Other than that, I am free to enjoy them. I am free to smile when I make baby food for Timothy. It isn't a chore, it is a privilege. I am free to smile when I tuck Will into bed at night and he wants to snuggle just a little bit longer. I am free to also spank his little bottom when he needs it - doesn't produce smiles but it is what I have to do sometimes. Anyway, freedom is a new feeling for me and something I am not overly comfortable with. However, I am very comfortable experiencing the joy and peace that comes from looking up to God instead of out to man for my contentment.
Something tough for this type A personality person to learn but by grace, I am getting it.
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