Grrr......

The battle between the good and bad is occuring. I know what I need to do but everything in me wants to fume. I work with this lady who is hardly a lady. Everything in her from what I can tell is nit-picky, knieving, back stabbing and manipulative. While I attempt to not take things personally I find myself taking them very personally and it makes me very upset. I fume....

So, as I have thought about this I have thought about how I need to react as opposed to how I do react. In theory, I should be able to work with this lady. I should be able to ask questions when they come up and trust that she will give me the respect that is due. However, past experiences have dictated that is not the case. She belittles me and truthfully, I don't want to play the game. I think she probably gets a rise out of watching me struggle.

Enter in Christ. What would he do in this situation? I have really thought about that this week. What would he do? He would love her. How do I love her I ask? The answer, I put aside my anger and frustration. I put aside this ill will I feel towards her. THAT IS SO HARD TO DO!!! It is a struggle. I feel like I am at one of those points in my life that is a cross roads. How I handle this situation will effect the rest of my life. If I truly forgive her even though she does not recognize that she has done anything wrong I am experiencing the forgiveness Christ extends to us. If I hold on to the bitterness I really am not any better than she is.

I will be honest. I am not at the forgive and forget stage yet. Her stings hurt. She knows exactly which buttons to push. I must push past that. It is kind of like when you are trudging through mud. At first, each step is heavy and hard to push through but as you continue to wade through the steps get easier. You figure out the best way to walk through the muck. This is kind of like that situation. As I learn more about forgiveness and grace, it is easier to let go. It is easier to forgive. It is easier to extend grace. Grace, I think that is probably the key.

This lady does not know Jesus. She does not know what it means to be loved. She has fought all her life for what she wants. She doesn't know what it means to be on the receiving end of love. She did not experience it from her parents. She is a fighter and she never puts down that facade. She doesn't let people into her world. We probably do have something in common. Neither of us trusts others very well. While some people easily trust others there are those of us who have been hurt. Every time I am hurt by someone it is harder and harder to trust them. That trust takes longer and longer to rebuild.

I must turn to God. He is the only one I can truly trust. He is the only one that completely understands. He understands my emotions and loves me through them. He is complete love and he will give me what I need to persevere through this muck. And, I will grow. I will take the correct road at the cross roads and it will make all the difference.