There are some ideas I have had in life about myself that are now being challenged. I have always though I need to perform well so my self esteem would be increased. WRONG. There is only one reason to do anything and that is to do everything to bring glory to God. So what does that mean? when I think about how i want my house to look or think about how sad it is that I don't have a larger home where I can entertain that is pride. When I think about wanting to stay home and when I really examine why I want to stay home, there is some pride in that mix. I think I could do a better job of keeping up the home and organizing events. While some of that is true, that is not where God has called me for right now. My question needs to be more of how can I bring glory to God in my current situation instead of having a pity party. When my husband gets upset about something that I think is trivial, do I condemn him or listen? If I condemn, that is pride. That says you are silly for feeling the way you do and if you would just listen to me our problems would be solved. Enter false hoods.
You see, many areas of my life are coated with lies. Either these are lies that I have believed from childhood or lies that have recently crept into my life. The truth, the lies keep me in bondage. It is only by the Grace of God, literally, that I am even here. That is where my focus has to be. Otherwise I take undo liberties in promoting myself. Not cool.
There are also areas in my life that I am looking at for the first time. Areas that I dared not look at before because I did not want to look at the problem or the solution. Denial can be a good place to be sometimes. However, denial built on more denial leads to bondage and deception. Beth Moore says in her book that "the worst kind of captive: a prisoner unaware." That was me! Even now, as I look at events in my life I am pained. It is hard to look back and think about why you really love someone or where the lie began. Then, the next step is to do something with that lie. Once it is discovered it has to be dealt with. Otherwise, it festers and depression sinks in. For me, that means taking my concerns and worries to the cross, literally. In my mind I picture the cross and when a worry pops in that is out of my control I nail it to that cross. If the worry is about my husband, I nail it to the cross. If the worry is about relationships that are struggling I nail it to the cross. It might sound like I am not dealing with those issues and you would be right. I am letting God deal with those issues. I have tried to deal with them for a long time and I end up hidding the issues further and further within my heart. When I pass them along to God, they are no longer my issues. Sounds simple. It honestly gets easier. As I recognize that something is a worry I am able to pass it along to Christ a little faster. This keeps the garbage out and the truth in.
I read an intro to a funny book (don't remember the name right now) but it was by Marilyn Myberg. She said she thinks of the heart as a compartment with a zipper. On the left side of the zipper is the bad stuff in our lives (thoughts, words, addictions, ect). On the right side of the zipper is the fruits of the Holy Spirit and the attibutes of Christ. In the middle is Christ. As I get to know him more and trust him more the items on the left side move over to the right side. Interesting. Bringing this full circle, I can't trust God if I am hanging on to pride. Pride prevents that free flowing relationship because pride says I can do it myself. I am here to say I can't do it myself. I need Jesus to be as close as a call away.
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