Moving On

Ever have those weeks that are just tough?  I mean really tough.  Not just physically but emotionally.  It is the kind of week that leaves you feeling tired.

I had that kind of a week this past week and it was very tough.  There was a situation at work that ended up hurting me emotionally very deeply.  I hurt at the core of who I am.  That doesn't happen very often.  In the past I would have chosen to deal with the situation by stuffing my feelings and just "moving on" but this time was different.  This time I decided to allow my emotions to run.  I cried - a lot.  I was hurt.  I felt betrayed and so angry.  I wanted peace but it wasn't at work and at times it wasn't at home either.  I found myself on my knees pouring out my heart to God and he met with me.  I was sitting down with my Bible yesterday morning and I had read my passages for the day.  I just prayed a very simple pray, "Sorry Lord but this is all I have for you today.  I am broken."  As clearly as I can hear the Lord in the small part of my heart I felt him say, "That is okay.  I love you and together we will make it through today." 

The stillness of God.  The promises of God.  The truth of God.  The legacy of God.  The love of the heavenly Father, my Heavenly Father.  I felt all of that this week and so much more.  I realized that my experience was something Christ could relate to all too well.  After Jesus had been arrested Peter, a very special disciple whom Jesus loved very much and I believe the feeling was mutual, betrayed Jesus.  He said he did not know Jesus.  OUCH!  Wait a minute.  You guys were best friends and you just denied knowing him.  And to top it all off, Jesus said you would do that.  Wow.  That is brutal.  So, Jesus knows how I felt.  There is relief in that.

I have also seen just how far I have come and I give the glory to God.  He has walked me through so much this past year.  I kind of feel like I am on the verge of being done with the latest set of trials because I get it.  I get where I have to go when life is tough.  I get where I have to go when life is good.  I get it.  Not only do I get it, I believe it.

That is the difference, I actually believe that God truly loves me.  I believe he has my best interest in hand.  As I was thinking about it a little bit this morning the thought came to mind that maybe I was hurt by this situation at work to prevent me from being hurt even more deeply later.  

I have had to look at some very serious topics this past week.  I have had to look at anger.  I have stared it in the face and chosen to do the right thing.  I have had to take a look at the verse that talks about loving your enemies.  Ouch.  That is really tough - especially when you thought your enemies were friends.  I have found that the best way for me to combat the anger is to pray for them.  It is a very, very simple prayer.  Lord, bless them.  That is all I can muster.

I have had to look at hurt.  Physical pain is one thing but emotional pain - that hurts in a different way.  That hurts at the core of who I am.  I had to ask myself who I was and the answer, I am a woman who loves people.  When I prayed about what needed to do through this process the answer, love them.  

Love them.  I don't want to even look at them or be in the same area as them!  But, that is the answer.  I have to love them.  I have to pray for them.  That is part of my healing process.  Revenge is God's.  It is my responsibility to do as he commands and asks of me.

I have had to look at the past and the present.  God has gently pulled me along on an amazing journey.  The journey is far from over and I am confident there will be more challenges, some that seem daunting but I also know that God is faithful.  Just as He has gently pulled me through this experience he will do that with whatever comes my way - one step at a time.

So, today, I am taking a day to take care of myself and enjoy time at home.  I took an extra long shower, pampered myself with lotions, spent extra time on my make-up and did something I love to do, prepared a dinner for a neighbor that just had a baby.  I get to share the love of Christ with others and that is what this life is all about.  It is about sharing God's love with others, even those that persecute us.  God is love.  Since we are made in his image that also makes us love.  What an amazing journey.