Things that bring me joy - 2013

This next year my focus is going to be on things or people that bring me joy. 

Since it is not officially 2013 yet this is more of a prequal to what will be.

December 26th - Returns complete!  I had three items I needed to exchange at 3 different stores, one of them being Walmart.  I had an early start to the day and headed to Starbucks for a little quiet time prior to the day starting.  I left and was headed to work when I thought, I wonder if Kohl's is open.  I drove by and sure enough - it was.  I ran inside to discover there was no waiting in the exchange line!  Cha-ching!

I was excited about this journey thus far and wondered if I could do maybe 2 exchanges before 7am.  Of course, the stores needed to be open so I ventured on down Veterans Parkway to Menards to exchange some gloves I had gotten for Dave (ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION TO SIZE PEOPLE!).  They opened at 6:30 and it was not quite 6:30 so I went across the street to Walmart.  They were open and while the customer service desk was not officially open there was one lady at a check out that was able to do exchanges.  The most difficult return - COMPLETE - cha-ching....

Back to Menards.  I found the gloves in the correct size, took them up to the customer service center guy who decided it was too early to mess with paperwork, especially for an exchange and just did a swap.  Excellent. 

All exchanges complete before 7am.  Oh Yah.....

December 27th - Weight Watchers Meeting - I have been following the Weight Watchers program for a year.  I have lost a total of 15 pounds, gained some back and then lost again.  I have been tempted to give up on several occasions but I have stuck with it.  What I have learned is that this weightloss journey is just that - a journey.  It doesn't just happen.  There are ups and downs.  I can't just mark it off my list of things to do.  What I can do is embrace the journey and stay on it. 

The meeting this morning was amazing.  It was a small group - about 6 poeple total and it was my favorite meeting so far.  Just seemed to be a lot of break throughs.  And besides that, my head was not in the right spot this morning.  This meeting was perfect for me.  It helped me refocus and gave me some hope.  And hope not just about weightloss but about life.  Sometimes Satan messes with me and he was really trying to pull my chain this morning. 

Crazy Day

To be a displaced employee - what does that feel like?  The range of emotions are so numerous I can hardly begin to explain.  First there is the shock.  I am sitting in a room with 28 of my co-workers.  We know something is up but really not 100% sure what is going on.  Then, the bomb drops.  I figured it was something when the director to be could hardly keep from passing out.  He looked like crap.  I would too if I was in his shoes and frankly, if he hadn't looked like crap I would have been a little disappointed.  Would have fueled my fire.

What did I hear after the words "ADS (that is my department name) is desolving" and "jobs are being reallocated to other areas"?  It is a little jumbled.  The company has implemented a program called Operational Excellence affectionately referred to as "OE."  I at this point I have nothing nice to say about this program.  Sure, at the root it scientifically roots out access waste.  Apparently our department was full of waste.  To an extent, I would agree.  It was.  But to completely dissolve it - that is another matter entirely.  Seems a little harsh.

When I step back and really think about the reality of the situation - removing emotions - I know this was needed.  I know this is the right thing.  I know there is "waste" in our department.  I know all of this.  What gets me is that people are not waste and that is what it feels a little bit like right now.  How do we get rid of people in a friendly way?  We offer them jobs within the company - 21 positions to fill 28 lost jobs.  Those jobs are only open to us which I appreciate.  If the job is not filled then they will look else where.  If we do not find a job then we get a severence package equal to 2 weeks of pay for every year we have been there.  That would equate to 26 weeks of pay.  The chances of me getting one of the jobs we can post for is good.  I have a good reputation within the division.  However, for the position I currently hold one of the three of us will lose our job because there are only two positions to fill.  Nice.  That means my work load will increase.  Nice again.  But I would have a job.  Again, this needed to happen.

The emotional side of me is screaming right now.  YOU ARE MESSING WITH MY WORLD!  I don't want to do a resume.  I don't want to post for positions.  I don't even know if I want to work for a company that is so completely out of control right now.  This doesn't just effect me.  It effects everyone I work with - everyone.  I just feel betrayed to a degree.  And I don't know how they could have made it better.  At least the elephant is out of the bag or whatever that phrase is.  We can move forward.  We have known something was going to happen - have known that for some time now.  The when was what was outstanding.

But, I go back to the truth.  It is a simple truth - God is in control.  He is orchestrating this entire process.  He reminded me of his simple promise when Timothy came up to me when I got home and just wanted to read books.  My world might be rocked but his isn't.  The most important things are still the most important things.  My job is a means to care for the most important things.  I was praying even this morning that we could find a way to homeschool but that God would have to move mountains to make that happen because we aren't seeing that as an option right now.  Maybe he is moving mountains.  Maybe we are suppose to go to Huntsville.  Tangela sent me several jobs or maybe Dave is suppose to get a job.  Or who knows.  Who knows.  That is what I am praying about right now - wisdom.  I don't want to make an emotional decision.  I want to make a godly decision.  Besides, I will be forced to do some of those things I have put off for so long - like creating a resume.  Need to get that done this weekend.  It will also motivate Dave to do the same.

Wow - what a crazy week.  And yesterday we learned that one of Dave's former students lost a brother to suicide.  He touched many lives that we know so I feel like we are finding people that knew him all over the place.  So very, very sad.  So many emotions....  I think I will just go to bed.

Sweet Kids & Big Ideas

First, a story about a very sweet boy who I am very close to.  Yesterday WHO was out playing in the dirt (his favorite place to play) and discovered a worm.  We have a bird's nest outside our back door that has three baby birds in it - probably 2 weeks old.  We saw them when they first hatched and now they have feathers and everything.  Very cool.  The mother frequents our back door often so the fact that dogs have come and gone and people have come and gone is nothing short of amazing.  When the mother bird first started building her next there Dave would take it down - daily.  This went on for a week or so.  Finally I said, "Honey, let survival of the fittest take its course."  I figured the mother bird would just not take care of the eggs so there would never be birds.  Well, I was wrong.  The babies have been well fed.  Enter life lesson.

So, WHO was playing outside in the dirt and found this worm.  We had talked about what birds eat so he put the worm aside and told his daddy he was going to leave it for the mama bird so she could feed the babies.  Dave took the worm and put it on the edge of the nest.  My son is learning to care even for the birds.  I love his heart.  It is so sweet and tender.  I pray that gentle spirit continues to blossom and grow.

On to Big Ideas.  I have been inspired by several books I have read recently on the Navy Seals.  They are an amazing group of warriors.  I have great respect for them and for all of our service men and women.  I want to be able to give back to them but not sure how.  Right now so many of the veterans come back wounded - either physically or mentally.  They have a life in front of them but they need some help.  I want to be able to assist.  Again, I have no idea what that looks like but going to be praying about it. 

Another thought on my head is that of adoption.  Again, not sure what that looks like but I have a heart for those who have been wounded.  I love listening to people talk.  I love sharing in their hurts and watching them move forward.  I love hugging and holding those that are hurting.  That is my nature.  That is my strength.  I want to use that strength.  Not sure how but definitely something I want to continue to pray about.

April 1, 2012

I think I am going to try my hand at blogging on a day by day basis. We will see how it goes.

Today, we went to church, Menard's to pick up some supplies for boxes Dave is making and found a few extra things. I am finally going to get the rest of Will's 12"x12" squares hung in his room. That poor boy. I had so many higher hopes for his room. It is a work in process.

Timothy - missed his nap this morning and then was woken up by Maddy early so e was GRUMPY this afternoon. He is really exploring his boundaries right now, completely testing Dave and I. Consistency is key during this stage of his development. This is where being parents is hard because sometimes you just get tired. Thankfully, we kept on top of it most of today. His smile lights up my life though. When he looks at me and just grins I can't help but grin back. Can't help but kiss his little face and hug him. He is lovable. Daily I feel like he says new words. So far he says Bible, Jesus, brother (auder), mama, dada, please (peese), water, banana (nana), ball, baby, strawberries, raspberries, bye-bye and all done. He blows kisses for night night and good bye. He is a good kiddo too.

Will - He is my buddy but I am still his mama. I just enjoy most everything about this kid except when he doesn't listen. Thankfully that doesn't happen to often. Today it happened a couple of times. He ended up not getting stories for bedtime which is very powerful to him and got spanked when I caught him looking out his window after bedtime. I hate both of those and it wasn't the act as much as it was the disobedience. That is what he was disciplined for. Otherwise he enjoyed life today as only a 4 year old boy can. He played in some water, which turned into mud. He rode his bike. He is doing so well with that. I am really proud of him. He helped me dig up dandelions out of the yard. He joined me on a special trip to Starbucks and the grocery store. He had a full day and I was so glad to spend time with him. Very cool kid.

Dave - He makes me smile on a regular basis. He has been building some boxes that are absolutely beautiful. It is so good to see him come into the house with a smile on his face. Does my heart so much good. I love standing next to him as he sings in church and I love that he tries to keep me awake in church when I am so sleepy. Today we both were. He is a good guy and I am blessed.

WW Update: It went mostly well. I snaked a little bit more than I would have liked (prefer no snacking) but overall I think today was a good day. I got a walk in, worked outside for a bit this evening, cleaned the kitchen tonight. All in all, I was active. I love keeping my house and making it more of a home. Praying I can do that more and more. Tomorrow I go to the gym for some elliptical. I would rather run outside but I need to get back into my routine so inside it is for tomorrow.

Until tomorrow...

Just Love it when God does this!

So, I was having a little bit of a personal, private pity party about how many responsibilities I have and how I don't have enough time to get them done and still have a little bit of down time. Really was focused on blaming Dave for many of the problems because shoot, he is the other adult in the house and he could help out more, right? Most of the time I see him with an ipad in hand or at the computer. It aggravates me and that was the road I have been on the last few days.

I have been praying about it. God, give me a break through in better understanding where my husband is mentally and what I can do to help. I want to show him compassion and love him despite of what he does but my goodness, my desires sometimes become so strong and I just want to dig my heels in.

Enter God...

One of the beautiful things about my heavenly father is that he loves me unconditionally. He put Dave and I together with all of our issues and like a mother or father might say to a child, he lets us work through our issues. He knows the answers. He could fix it and sometimes does but usually he lets us walk through the situation because we gain wisdom along the way. It is kind of like video games where you get tins in order to have more life. You are not given all the tools right off the bat. You have to earn them. As you pass through levels that are challenging you gain more tools. Similarly to the human life, as I pass through a struggle I have the opportunity to pick up bits of wisdom and understanding along the path. I have the choice though, just like in a video game. I can pick up the pieces along the journey and have more "life" or I can ignore the pieces all together and have no life. That option stinks.

So, in my current "level" I have options. Discouragement and an attitude of entitlement which will lead to further discouragement or I can look at my life as an opportunity to serve my family and friends. One way leads to more life and includes God (he fuels this endeavor) and the other way leads to disappointment, anger and much less than the abundant life.

Today's devotional was about this very subject. Love it when God SPELLS it out for me! Thank you Lord. I love you.

Verse on my heart this morning

I will be very honest right now. I am tired. Not just physically tired but emotionally tired. The idea of doing one more thing is overwelming. The idea of doing what needs to be accomplished today is overwelming. I am just tired.

I could blame many things on my exhaustion. Maybe it is the change in the weather or the fact that I don't get enough sleep at night. Maybe it is that we just got back from a long weekend trip to Huntsville or maybe it is that my youngest child still wakes up once in the night crying. Or maybe it is a little bit of all of those combined to form my exhaustion.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Mercies in Disguise

This song has been running through my head all morning and I really like it. It is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. The chorus goes something like this:

What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepness nights
Are what it takes to know you're near
What if the trials in this life are your mercies in disguise....

My life has been marked by a few significant events that have humbled me to the core and caused my relationship with Christ to soar. It is amazing how closely we hold on to God when life is tough. And how much we can grow when we allow ourselves to rely on Christ.

It is through the trials that I grow. When I have a season of depression or disappointment my emotional side cries out - God, why???? I hate this season. But, the reality, my spiritual side is rejoicing because my mind and body are turned to Christ. There is a refreshment that comes with submitting myself to Christ and saying, I am weak but you are strong. I am failing according to my standards but in you I am whole. That doesn't always make the pain go away or the depression lift but it does give me the strength to make it through yet another day. It gives me hope because all we have is today.

When my mind is on Christ I can face the day because I know in my heart I have my best friend beside me. He makes me laugh and he lets me cry. I never have to hide my tears when I am around Christ. He lets me be the me who I am at the core and he encourages that person. He encourages me to be the woman he has created and sometimes that means she cries. Sometimes that means she laughs but she always cares. She always loves. She knows where to turn when the blessings come through raindrops...